What I Haven’t Got
Dear Chef Bourdain;
The first and most obvious thing I haven’t got is your book yet. This whole thing sprung from my head, Athena-like, yesterday. It was a good idea and I’m excited, but not so good that I was going to get off my ass and drive to a bookstore or something. Especially since I was recently stung by a stingray, and walking is still neurotoxiliciously painful. But Amazon will drop “Les Halles” for me tomorrow, and I can start research from the primary source.
My kitchen is pretty well equipped, in a typical kitchen kind of way. The usual stove and range; (mental note, clean bacon grease from bottom of stove so the fire alarm stops going off, and this is no longer necessary. Yes, that’s my fiancee waving an axe at the smoke detector to make it stop.) plenty of counterspace, pots, pans, etc. Probably my most glaring deficiency (in the kitchen, goddamit) is my lack of a stand mixer. I imagine that one is going to literally hurt, since I’ll have to whisk by hand. It’s on the wedding registry though, so hey, maybe I’ll save the mixer-intensive stuff until after May.
Strangely, I don’t have a wire cooling rack. That one is pretty easy to rectify though, heck, they have them at the dollar store. I’m also missing a wooden spoon, because I broke it jamming plastic bags into a leather bottle I was making. Seriously, that happened. I also don’t have a pastry bag, but again, that’s pretty easy to deal with, and I can probably put off the recipes with that as a requirement for later, anyway.
I note that one of the recipes will call for pheasant. Happily my pal Nathan, over at Ikillit has discovered a nearby pheasant-hunting club, and the season starts relatively soon. We’re planning an epic expedition to hunt, kill, dress and cook our own pheasant, per your recipe. So technically that means a shotgun is a piece of kitchen equipment I’m missing. Somehow I imagine that you, Anthony Bourdain, would approve. You and Ted Nugent.
I think that’s it for equipment I’ll need, which is probably a relief to my crazy axe babe fiancee, who knows I tend to go a little nuts with hobbies, projects and equipment.
So let’s get fuckin’ cooking!
Davy
P.S. that f-bomb was totally obligatory. But I do feel obliged, you’re kind of a bastard that way, Chef.
Another Fucking Food Blog
Dear Anthony Bourdain;
I’ve talked about this project with my lovely fiancee, and she’s excited, too. Did I just start in media res? I think so, let me back up. I’m going to cook every recipe from your book, “Les Halles Cookbook: Classic Bistro Cooking“, over the next year. I’m going to recruit assistants to taste, critique, eat and enjoy – but I’m going to cook every one of the 100+ recipes myself. I’m going to start with my first dinner on Monday, Nov 1st, and before we roll around to Nov. 1st, 2011, I’ll make everything you’ve got, even the weird stuff and the game recipes. You claim bistro style cooking is something any modestly skilled home cook can manage, and let me tell you, brother – I am a modestly skilled home cook!
So let’s see, Chef Bourdain, if your recipes and methods match up to your reputation. I love your writing, and I’m a big fan of “No Reservations” which is where I first became aware of your iconoclastic reputation. You’re a funny cat, Chef – you hate things with wild abandon, and then turn around and love things all in the same breath. I figure you’re onto something- draining life’s cup to the dregs and tasting every drop, the bitter and the sweet. So I’m in – and in a year, maybe I’ll have made some great meals, or maybe it’ll turn out your book is a crock, but I’ll probably be a better cook.
My fiancee and friends are enthusiastic about this at the moment, and if that weren’t true, I wouldn’t do it. It takes a mad loner to love to cook only for themselves. To me, that’s not what it’s all about – it’s really all about getting people you love around a table (or leaning against a counter in the kitchen, or in the case of my dog, watching my every move in the kitchen…) and give them something that you think is going to knock their socks off. It’s food; it’s crucial, it’s beautiful, it’s life and love and beauty and art all at once – what better thing to share?
I’ve got a lot of great people in my life, and I hope their enthusiasm for this project lasts till I’m done. If not, I’ll try not to blame you, Chef. I mean really, what do you care about what a middle-aged nerd in Los Angeles thinks? On the other hand, if it turns out amazing and they all rave – I’ll do my best to give you some credit. I’m a decent cook at the moment, with certain glaring weaknesses – principally sauces, really. We’ll see if your words and methods can take someone without any knife skills, without any professional experience, but a decent palate and a love of good food and irreverent writing – and turn them into a decent cook of French bistro cuisine.
Since this is a letter to you, Anthony Bourdaine, I feel obliged to drop an “f” bomb. So fuck yeah, let’s cue up the Ramones, break out the book, and get cooking!
Yours Fucking Truly;
Davy
Letters to Bourdain
- An error has occurred; the feed is probably down. Try again later.
Letters To Bourdain 